Thesis: Nightmarish industrial atrocities are built into our society and we encourage them in our daily lives, to combat them we must step out of our norms and critic ideas and values our society has hardwired us to think.
Major claim: Fast food is a rapidly growing industry; organic farming which is the supposed alternative will also be far off the mark from combating these atrocities by the industry because organic farming can repeat these same faults of these fast food monsters.
Supporting claim 1: Fast food corporations commit atrocities and are still growing
Evidence: e coli outbreaks from fast food restaurants (jack in the box)
Evidence: correlation between growth of fast food in the past three decades and the booming of obesity, diabetes and heart disease in the U.S.
Evidence: livestock conditions of animals used for fast food
Evidence: transportation of food (carbon footprint)
Supporting claim 2: organic farming is the better alternative but organic farming is still counterintuitive to its own philosophy.
Evidence: grass fed beef: less e coli
Evidence: less pesticides, hormones, and fertilizers (carbon footprint reduction)a
Evidence: livestock conditions of organic fish
Evidence: transportation of food from California to elsewhere (carbon footprint)
John,
ReplyDeleteI'm trying not to look at hw 12 yet but ...
Your format is effective - better than most folks - with each piece of evidence supported by a particular source.
Your should become less garbled.
"Nightmarish industrial atrocities are built into our society and we encourage them in our daily lives, to combat them we must step out of our norms and critic ideas and values our society has hardwired us to think."
"Built into" by whom? Strange metaphor. What about "developed" or "evolved"? "We encourage" something that's built in? Doesn't sound necessary - I don't encourage a urinal that's hanging on a wall. Do you mean to say we support them? That we perpetuate them culturally and physically? That we incorporate them into our worldviews? That we shield them from exposure?
"We must step out of our norms"? Are they our norms? If so, how can we step out of them? Is a norm something, like jeans, that a person can step out of? I sort of like the idea - it implies that a norm only walks if a person inhabits it. If I step out of a norm how much does that effect the norm?
You use the word "them" too much. Try to avoid unreferenced pronouns (them, it, they) in precise writing.
Do you mean "critique"?
Can we really "combat" abstract "atrocities" or "norms"?
The word "hardwired" implies neurological circuitry, usually of an inborn, inherited nature. Wrong word choice for what you're trying to say.
Good luck.
your THESIS should become less garbled.
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