Pregnancy & Birth Stories

                When interviewing people for birth stories I drove the discussion more to the reasons for birth, the sequence of events preceding and following birth and other such inquiries on the unit I had.

                My friend Izzy was born of Tom and Jackie, Tom whom I interviewed had Izzy in his thirties married Jackie after she was pregnant with his daughter. He decided to do this sequence because Tom and Jackie wanted for sure to have a child and with their age didn’t want to wait to get married; time was of the essence. The significance of the marriage was that Tom believed it was a “public proclamation” and a “right of passage”.  Why Tom made the decision to have children was that he himself had a great experience as a child and that he wanted to give birth in order to share that experience he had and witness it all over again.

This new transition of becoming a married father meant “goodbye usual life”, “no more going to clubs, six-packs every night or any new girlfriends”. When the decision was made to make this family his life opened up.  He assumed that he would always have five children as he himself was one of five children. While Jackie was pregnant and going through this physical experience of having an organism grow inside her he was by her side helping her when he could “you know it’s your child and you have a protective instinct”.

                Often in our society child birth and marriage go hand in hand, this idea of having an official bond with someone and then from that “holy matrimony” creating a family. Marriage without the birth is often looked at with suspicion while the other way around it is shameful. When exploring one topic it is hard to avoid the other as they stand under the umbrella of family. Tom’s last comment showed the distinction of male and female roles with have some origin in the biological roles. That the Tom must be the caretaker or the nurse for Jackie as she is the one with a tumor, and she is going through a physical experience and thus carrying the heavier burden because of biological reasons. Tom then once to be active in the process so does what he can while the mother and fetus share a special connection.

What are the reasons for marriage and birth to be so interconnected in our society?

Can certain roles not be changes because of biological reasons?

Other Peoples' Perspectives 1

            When exploring the dominant social concepts and understandings of birth in my generation I interviewed several people from a variety of sexes, ethnicities, and economic backgrounds to see if there are understandings of birth in my generation that I was unaware of because of my upbringing. Unfortunately my results came back the same for everyone, as if each individual was not an “individual” but rather a robot programmed to say their “opinions” that were identical to every other robot. When I asked if the person planned on having kids in the future 100% of the nine people who responded confirmed they would have kids “it seems to be rare for people to not intend on having kids at all” –Natalie Cuomo. To connect to the previous unit this can confirm the Epicurus theory of how everyone’s greatest fear in life is their own death, that each person wants to have kids because though each individual doesn’t have the power to make a huge difference in the world they can at least produce offspring. And although one will pass on and die, they have at least deeply affected another human being, producing a synthetic conception of immortality because of the life they have produced and shaped.

            As I asked “what are some stigmas associated with pregnancy?” everyone responded that teenage pregnancy shows immaturity and can be connected with those who come from low income areas (except for Audrey Banks who believed “[there are] no stigmas, except you get mistaken for fat”). “Although I'm not sure whether you would consider this a stigma, but society seems to view being a mother and having a job as two mutually exclusive things, and combining the two negatively affects how others view women in the workplace” –Lauren Crawford, this was probably the most thought provoking response as it considered patriarchy in the workplace that is rooted at biological roles. And that why is a pregnant woman, someone who may be revered as a hero bringing fresh joyous life into the world forced to balance between duties of supporting a child and supporting herself and perhaps others financially when for many others in crippling positions who are not so highly revered are given financial benefits from the government? It seems as though one dominant social value contradicts another.  

            When I asked “what is the accepted range of how many children one should have in mainstream society? What numbers are not?” I was under no fallacious daze that I’d get a variety of answers, that I’d get the answer of 2-3 because that is the number I see every day, at school on television etc. always a family of usually 4-5 of the 2 parents and the few children. And I was absolutely correct, though one friend of mine who chose to remain anonymous said “More than 4 kids is like woaaahh that's a hell of a lot of kids. Only kids kind of wig me out if parents aren't divorced, usually, too much attention on one child I think breeds bratty-ness in the kid” which is an interesting view that if you have one child and two parents they will show that one child too much attention. That perhaps having siblings teaches a child to cooperate and share even when it seems impossible, or being raised by a single parent or divorced parents the child might grow some maturity through a somewhat difficult process. However though “bratty-ness” may be a byproduct of being an only child, being raised by a single parent may also have certain psychological effects on the child.

These responses I just found interesting as well:

If you were to have a child and the decision was put souly on you, would you want the birth in a hospital or at home?

“If someone has it at home they are kicking off that whole parenting thing badly” –Evan Pundyke

“Hospital, I am so scared” –Audrey Banks

“hospital- safer, cleaner, with professionals” –Sam Williams

“Hospital, duh” –anonymous

What is the accepted range of how many children one should have in mainstream society? What numbers are not?

“I think 1-5 is pretty normal I think 6 is odd and more is also odd. Any fraction is also a bad sign like 1/2 a kid or 4/5ths a kid” –Evan Pundyke

“Normal range is 1-4 I think. The largest number of children on record is 66- that is not accepted” –Audrey Banks

“It varies from where you live/where you're from/ socioeconomic background, but I would say five and up starts to get weird. How would you take care of that many babies?” –James Nash

Some Initial Thoughts On Birth

to be continued....