My mom has raised me since birth and has always been there to take care of me and be available in times of need or even for just a question on the meaning of a word. She is arguably the most influential person in my life, so to have insight on how I might have originated my ideas on illness and dying I asked her about the dominant practices and her own that surround illness and dying.
To no surprise my mom responded to the questions I posed the same why most people would; she would take care of the person who is sick, she would give them what they would ask, speak quietly and clear. The experience itself of being with a sick person is of love yearning and sadness. She only surprised me when I asked her how she would speak to someone who is sick or dying and she responded “matter-of-fact” in a very matter-of-fact tone. This approach to informing loved ones on there well being isn’t taboo but it is uncommon. Not to be confused with the question of whether when you’re in physical distress how you want the news given, because a common response is “give it to me straight doc”. No, this is not what I mean, what I mean is that when people comfort loved ones when they are very ill they try not to talk about any bad thoughts, they want to tell them about all the fun times they’ve had together, what’s to come. All avoiding the fact of their undoubtable mortality. On the side of the visitor, this usually is not the dominant discourse. Interesting that this isn’t the topic most would confront when approaching a sick loved one. Yet in the opposite situation and when one is sick she will typically want to be aware of the time they have left and the condition of their health.
All the social practices surrounding illness and dying were brought up in class by my peers and me. All of us agreeing on every single one (it seemed like) suggest that we and the one(s) who brought us up all perpetuate the same practices when faced with a loved one. Although it could just mean we are aware of them, but from my interpretation of my peers I do not think they previously questioned social practices before (I am no exception) so I think it is safe to say we all practice generally the same practices when a loved one is sick.
My understanding of the overarching theme in Andy’s class is that there are many social practices and when we are in his class we will suddenly be enlightened to our ignorance and choose this new alternative or minimally question the dominant social practice—again this is my understanding. I’m fully aware that he does not believe an alternative to the dominant practice will automatically lead to a utopia. As for as practices go, my mother and I follow the dominant practice. An individual follows the dominant practice because she believes that it is the logical decision. Thus no decision/practice is made by anyone unless she has a reason she believes is valid and justified. The decision anyone makes consciously is based off prior knowledge. So when Andy aims for us to analyze these practices the root of it would be our knowledge, so rather than pondering why I should do something or what causes me to do this, I believe my time will be better spent researching information related to that decision.
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